To dispel the misconceptions, let’s take a look at some of the universal truths about guys and breakups – some of which may surprise you since they certainly are hidden from the surface. Simple enough to say, but I know plenty of women will talk about how some guy came off like an insensitive jackass after the relationship fell apart because of his actions post-breakup.
I’ve heard things like: “When a guy’s relationship ends, he replaces her.When a woman’s relationship ends, she mourns,” or, “He’s just hooking up with such-and-such to spite the ex-girlfriend,” or “Guys just don’t care” and other nonsense.For people that haven’t yet fully realized that all of us need to be emotionally responsible (which is most people), this is where much of the pain of the breakup originates from (they blame themselves for not “measuring up”…or they blame the other person for not “making them happy”… It’s incredibly painful to believe that someone else could be responsible for your emotions or that you could possibly be responsible for their emotions.All they experience is the continuous suffering and they want the suffering to end.
So as an easy way to “numb out” from what might seem like unending suffering, they jump into another relationship so they can continue feeding their sense of well-being.
That is to say, he seeks his feeling of validation and worth from how a woman treats him.
It’s not uncommon for people, men or women, to derive their sense of well-being, self-worth, and self-esteem from how other people treat them.
Personally, I have had breakups where I pretty much went cold. I wanted her to be OK, I wanted good things for her in life, but I knew that nothing was going to make the situation better.
No discussion was going to fix things, no clarity was to be had – it would have just been an emotional toilet for both of us.
Maybe he changes his lifestyle, stops hanging out with certain friends, or changes his habits.